


I Choose You

by Fishyz9



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 04:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3105113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a short separation Sonny is encouraged by the words of friends and family to fight for Will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Choose You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaylie](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Kaylie).



> This follows Lost Boys and includes a request from hortonhearsahensley (Sonny choosing Will over Paul) Though this might not include exactly what you wanted I tried to gear this towards what you might like, hope you enjoy! Also, this was written before the present SL (as of 02.01.15) so follows a different vein to actual happenings on the show.

I Choose You

 

I can’t help but think about all the little things that went wrong. I went over it all again and again in microscopic detail, and it soon became clear to me that the stuff that really mattered was the stuff we didn’t notice. It’s the little things that brought us to where Will and I are today, and it’s the sum of these little things that make or break us.

The little things we did right? Staying up late talking about every thought in our heads, from the random to the truly ridiculous. And I mean the thoughts that hide in the back of your mind that you would never share with anyone because surely, _surely_ it’s not normal to look up at the sky or into your coffee cup and wonder _where did that come from?_ Were those the atoms of a piece of bone from a million years ago? Only you glance up and see that look in his eyes, and whether it’s a fondness for your childlike daydreams or a rush of pleasure and recognition… It’s the _talking_ that put that look there. It’s that sense of freedom and connection that only comes from sharing those little pieces of ourselves with the one person we tell our secrets to. Talking. Endlessly and unselfconsciously.

Calling each other out on our crap before it can escalate. It can be tempting to brush it away and ignore an issue, or to just hope that whatever it is it might resolve itself, but it never works. It might instigate a brief argument, but it’s usually a brief argument that leads to an enjoyable resolution, or perhaps even just a quiet look of acknowledgement and thanks.

Choosing to stay in for a snuggle on the sofa even, when Ari is with one of her grandmothers, over going out with the boys because goddammit we like to cuddle.

My hand between his shoulder blades.

His fingers through my hair.

Checking in with each other, even if it’s just to say hi.

The things we did wrong? Taking each other for granted. Assuming that it’d be fine to set me on the backburner while the next big thing preoccupied him.

Staying quiet instead of defending him.

Railing on him for keeping secrets and then turning around and doing the exact same thing.

Telling me that I’m wrong to be hurt by his neglect.

Projecting my shit with what went down with Paul a million years ago into my marriage.

Allowing my mind to wonder _what if?_ And then actually going there.

Breaking his heart.

Breaking mine right back.

The things we did wrong outweighed the things we did right, bringing me to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter how fiercely you love someone, it doesn’t matter how much you light each other’s’ souls on fire, if you get lazy and let the little things slip by then that sense of wellbeing disappears.

But I’m not waving the white flag. He can take himself away from me – remove his presence from my life but he will always feel like home to me. He doesn’t get to take the memory of that with him. And it’s that feeling, or rather that vacant space inside of me where that feeling should be, that forces me to fight for Will.

Of course I’m being a tad dramatic; being apart from him does that to me apparently. Being away from him and not waking up with him, eating with him, laughing with him or sleeping with him, it’s just… It’s draining. But I’m working on fixing it.

He said to love him from wherever he was and, well, that’s what I’m doing. I convinced him to move back into the apartment with the understanding that I would move out. He wouldn’t, at first. Seeing as I paid the bulk of the bills his pride wouldn’t allow it, but I argued that Ari had bounced from one place to the next for far too long and that she needed to be home. He moved back home the day after I moved out.

And he kept his word about Ari and my place in her life. In fact he still refers to me as daddy in front of her, even if he can’t always quite look me in the eye. He won’t let me talk about _us_ yet, he’s still mad and rightly so, but I’m encouraged by the fact that still wears his wedding ring.

I just wish I could make him talk to me for more than a few minutes at a time.  Even now I can’t keep his attention; all I can do is sit with Ari on my lap, watching him as he flitters around the apartment.

“What’s got you rushing around, if it’s okay to ask?”

He glances at me for a second before lifting the pillows and searching down the back of the sofa. “I can’t find my tie.”

He stops with a huff, his hands on his hips – _god_ , I’ve always found it sexy as hell when he does that.

“I put it down somewhere and now I can’t find it. Now I’m going be late. Typical me, scrambling around as usual…”

“What do you need a tie for?” A terrible thought strikes me; he wouldn’t be going out on a date, would he? “You…you got plans today?”

He gives me a careful look which only increases my anxiety. “Not really” he mutters, before turning around to carry on looking. “It’s a work thing.”

“Oh.” 

An equally sore subject, seeing as his last project was Paul and…well.

“You don’t usually wear a tie to work.”

“Well, now I do. Or I would if I could find it.” He turns around and narrows his eyes at Ari before crouching, his fingers reaching for her belly in a tickle motion. I can’t help but smile at him, he’s such a dad. “I don’t suppose if I went and checked the bathroom I might find my tie in the toilet bowl again?”

Ari giggles and I lift an eyebrow at him. “She did that?”

“Yes she did, the little madam. I don’t think she wanted me to leave.”

“That’s adorable.”

“Hence why she’s getting tickles instead of a time out” he says before pressing a gentle kiss to her fingers when they reach out for him. He stands and turns around with a sigh, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “Dammit.”

“Uh, Will?”

“Hmm?”

I bite my lip, looking at his butt. “Your back pocket.”

He looks down behind him, like a dog that’s about to chase its tail and then reaches for the tie he has stuffed into his back pocket, pursing his lips together. There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips when he glances at me. “Not a word.”

I want to tell him I love him _right now_ , but I’ve lost that right for the time being. Instead I watch him as he walks over to the mirror and pulls the tie around his neck… Stuffing it up immediately.

“You know, it’s understandable that most people can’t tie a bowtie, but a regular tie?”

“Yeah, yeah…” he mutters, lifting his chin as he pulls it loose and tries gain.

I set Ari down on her play mat and only hesitate for a second before I touch his shoulder. He watches me through the mirror, his stare wary, but he eventually turns around and it hits me that we haven’t stood this close in weeks.

 _I miss you_.

“Let me?”

He nods his head, unable to hold my gaze as he fiddles with the end of the tie until I gently pull it away with a soft smile. I tie the knot, and maybe I take twice as long as needed, but it’s just good to be this close to him again, to feel the warmth coming off his skin, to breathe in his scent.

“There,” I say, straightening it and then flattening it down against his chest without thinking. “As handsome as ever.”

He watches me, his expression unreadable. “Thank you,” he says quietly.  “So um,” he clears his throat, adjusting his collar as he takes a step back, breaking the moment. “What do you and the little lady have planned today?”

“I thought we’d go for a stroll through the park and maybe have a play on the swings. I was going to take her back to the club with me while I get some paperwork done before bringing her back here.”

“I can meet you there if you like? Save you a journey?”

I don’t want him to meet me at the club, I want to bring Ari back here in the hopes that he’ll let me stay a minute, maybe offer me coffee, but I can’t say that out loud. “Sure, that’d be…convenient.”

He turns to face me again, nodding his head. It suddenly occurs to me that he’s nervous. He’s not agitated or being purposefully distant, he’s nervous. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something’s wrong?”

“You’re nervous.”

“Why do you think—?”

“Will, come on. I know you.”

It’s clearly the wrong thing to say because those blue eyes fill with a sadness he quickly tries to hide by turning away from me. “It’s just a work thing.”

I know right then that I should leave. “I guess it’s time for us to go, huh?” I say to Ari, forcing myself to sound happy. I lift her up onto my hip and swing her diaper bag onto my shoulder. “We’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah,” he says, adjusting his already perfect tie, making it crooked.

We head out the front door but I look back at him for a second. “Good luck with today, whatever it is.”

He gives me a tight, barely there smile, and I close the door.

oOo

“Ah, ah, ah, those are my insurance papers you’re chewing up, little miss.”

“Smush face!”

Both Ari and I glance up at T before he crouches down in front of us. I have Ari on my lap, and like the perfectly happy little baby she is, she babbles at T, reaching her hands out for him. 

“Can I, papa Sonny?”

“It’s daddy Sonny, thank you very much, and yes you may.”

“Geez, he’s so _sensitive_ ,” he gripes to Ari as he bounces her on his hip. “How you doing, smush face?”

“You have to stop calling her that.”

“Why? She likes it. Don’t you, smush face?”

Like a traitor she just smiles and reaches for his nose.

“She’s a perfect little angel, you jerk.”

He nods his head. “Yes, she is. She’s a perfect little angel.”

“Thank you.”

“With a smush face.”

“ _T!_ ”

“It’s fun to make daddy Sonny crazy, _yes it is_.” He says to Ari in baby talk as he sits down beside me, Ari in his lap.

“You do remember that I’m your boss, right?”

“And a very good boss you are.”

He reaches over and pats me on the head. I stare at him, unblinking. “You’re fired.”

“No I’m not. _So_ …” He says brightly. “I thought you didn’t have her today?”

“Will has something going on today and asked me if I wanted to see her.”

“That’s right! How’d he seem, was he nervous?”

A flush creeps up my neck in embarrassment. I have no idea what’s going on with my husband but T apparently does. “He just said he had a work thing,” I admit soberly.  

“Oh,” he says uncomfortably, dropping his gaze.

“You know what he’s doing today?”

“Uh, I don’t know, Sonny. He didn’t want anyone to know, I just assumed…”

“You assumed that as I’m his husband he would have told me?” My jaw clenches and I glance away to straighten the papers in front of me. “I’m still in the dog house, remember?”

“You kind of put yourself there, remember?” He says bravely and without a trace of hostility.

My shoulders slump. “I know.” I admit quietly. “I’m just…I’m a little worried with how long this is going on. I mean, I’ll wait for as long as I need to, but…”

“What, you think Will’s just going to forget about you?”

“Or get over me, move on…”

“Aw, Son….” He says softly, reaching to rest his hand on my shoulder as he leans closer. “You’re a total spaz sometimes, you know that?”

“… What?”

“This is Will Horton we’re talking about. The biggest sulk in the world.”

“He is _not_ a—”

“Yes he is. He’s stupidly insecure because he’s used to things not working out for him, he’s used to having the things he treasures most being taken away from him. He treasured you and that Paul douche took you away. It’s his M.O. to shut down—”

“He didn’t _take me away_.”

“And now he has a boo-boo.” He carries on. “Will Horton has a boo-boo, a pretty bad one, and it’s taking him a while to get over it. But don’t think for a second that you don’t exist for him anymore.”

I stare at him, this clown of a guy who is actually very sensitive and thoughtful when he wants to be. “I gave my husband a boo-boo.”

He nods his head. “Yes you did, idiot.”

I slump back in my chair. “I only ever wanted take care of him, to give him everything in the world, and I go and do the opposite.”

“He doesn’t need you to give him the world. And you’re being dramatic.”

“No I’m not. T, I miss him so much I…I can’t even….”  

“I know you do, buddy. It’ll all be okay, you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re Sonny Kiriakis; the most optimistic, glass half full guy I know. And Will Horton… Well, he’s Will.”

I let out a soft laugh. “OK?”

“What I’m saying, is that Will Horton loves his Sonny Kiriakis.”

“I’m not so sure of that.”

“Yes you are. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself.”

I suppose I am. “You really think he’s going to ask me to come home?”

He nods his head. “Yes, it’s just super important that you don’t stop trying with him. You two go together, like beer and potato chips.”

“Thank you, Mister Shakespeare.” 

“No problem. Pay rise, please.”

“You’re so altruistic.”

“Yup.”

“So… Are you going to tell me where Will is today?”

“Oh look at that, time to get back to work.” He gently lifts Ari from his lap and sits her in mine. 

“T, come on.”

He sighs. “He has a job interview, okay? But you didn’t hear that from me.”

“A job interview? You mean he isn’t working at Sonix anymore?”

He snags up his cloth and twists it in his hands. He won’t look at me and only shrugs in answer.

“So….what, don’t tell me he’s going back to TruVista?”

“Not exactly.”

I wait for him continue. “T, I have a right to know, he’s my _husband_ for crying out—”

“He isn’t writing anymore, he quit.”

“Wait… _what_? He quit? He quit Sonix, or…?”

“No,” he says, drawing it out and watching me carefully. “He quit writing altogether.”

It takes me a second to process what he’s just said. “What?” I breathe. “He…he’s just quit? He’s walking away from it?”

For the first time during this entire ordeal I see something in T’s eyes harden.

“Don’t say it like that, like he’s just some… Some quitter who can’t see something through. He loves writing, but all he’s gotten from _anyone_ since day one is grief.”

I’m surprised by his anger, but I suppose I shouldn’t be. T’s a good friend to both Will and I, and he’s been nothing but supportive and understanding through this whole Paul mess, but he was Will’s childhood friend, and I hurt his friend.

“That’s not entirely fair, T. His first article…Abi...”

“That was unintentional, but that doesn’t change the fact that Abi still to this day gives him the cold shoulder. And you, you just….” He breaks off with a heavy sigh and he waves me off, like he wants me to forget he said anything at all.

“No, wait. What were you going to say?”

He watches me, and then shrugs sadly. “When it comes to that mess with Abi…Sonny, I’ve never once heard you stand up for him.”

“I made it clear to Will how I felt about what he did. I also made it clear that even though he has my support I wouldn’t pick a side.”

“Staying silent _is_ picking a side. Just like staying silent can be seen as lie by omission.” He says with a raised eyebrow, referring to Paul. “She says something subtle but nonetheless insulting, and he glances at you for your reaction and you say nothing. It’s embarrassing and painful to watch. It’s like you think he deserves everything she throws at him.”

“That’s not… That was never…”

“I know. You’re a good guy, and I know how much you love him. It’s just that…”

“What?”

He cringes. “You’re still my boss.”

“Forget that, just tell me. Zero awkwardness, I promise.”

“Well, I don’t want to sound harsh, but she was doing EJ and somehow came off as the victim in all of it because Sami couldn’t rein it in.” He twists that cloth again, clearly uncomfortable. “Don’t you see any similarities? You…you did what you did, but because Will lashed out and outed Paul, he’s somehow the bad guy.”

“Not to me he’s not.”

“Are you sure about that? And think about it, his first article? He loses his cousin’s friendship and what he probably feels is the respect of his husband. The second article about Chad? He gets it in the neck from his mother about how it might affect her husband. Then the screenplay? He gets fired and called a crappy husband. Then the douchebag article? I mean—”

“Okay, okay,” I hold up a hand, the other one holding Ari close. “I see where you’re going with this.”

“He’s sick of losing people, Sonny. His words.”

“And he thinks it’s all connected to his writing.”

“Can you blame him?”

I let out a heavy sigh and rest my cheek against Ari’s head. “But he’s so good…”

“I tried to tell him that, but I think this thing with pretty boy was the final straw.”

“He’s only just started, he could be amazing…”

“I said all of this, Sonny, he doesn’t care. He’s done.”

“So what’s this interview for?”

“IT helpdesk consultant, remember how good he is with computers?

“Well, yeah. Whenever our computer at home stops working I just put in his lap and two seconds later it’s working again. He doesn’t actually get anything out of it though.”

“He doesn’t care. He’s tired of people lashing out at him over his writing and wants a steady pay cheque.”

I can’t help but cringe, arguments over money where I was less than kind coming to mind. “What would he be doing in this job?”

“You know when you call the helpline when your computer freezes and you yell at the poor shmuck that picks up?”

I nod.

“That’s going to be him. Well, if he gets the job.”

I stare at him. “He is going to _hate_ that.”

“He said it was that or waiting tables again.” He scratches the side of his face. “Diapers aren’t free, Sonny. And he doesn’t own his own club.”

“But his husband _does_.”

“Well right now he feels as though he’s on his own. He still needs a job and his connection was more than happy to help him out.”

“…Connection?”

“Remember Ryan? From Salem U?”

I feel myself bristle just at the mention of his name. “You mean the guy who was constantly putting the moves on Will after he came out? Even when he knew we were together?”

“That’s the guy! Yeah, he got Will the interview. He was real eager to help him out. Strange that, don’t you think?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Are you enjoying this?”

“If it’s lighting a fire under your ass? Then yes, yes I am.”

“Oh hell no.” I shake my head, beginning to stand and pack up Ari’s bottle and toys. “This is not happening. I am not letting _Ryan_ sniff around my husband, and I am not going to let him walk away from a job he loves.”

“Atta boy.” He mutters, grinning at me.

I pull out my phone and shoot off a quick text. _Please meet me at the apartment when you can._

“Can you put these back in my office?” I ask, handing him a messy pile of papers before I reach for my cell phone.

“Sure can. Where are you going?”

“I’m going to meet Will to talk some sense into him.”

He tickles Ari under the chin. “See, I told you it was fun to make daddy Sonny crazy.”

oOo

Not ten minutes after leaving the club a certain scent alerts me to the fact that this little miss needs a diaper change. I contemplate whether she’ll make the journey home when the tears start falling and she answers that question for me. The pub’s closer, so I make a quick detour.

“We’ll go home soon, honey. Get you all warmed up, hmm?” I say to a freshly changed Ari as we head out of the bathroom.

“Sonny!”

I snap my head around and feel an instant smile bloom across my lips. “Caroline, how are you?”

“Oh never mind how I am, how are you? And my great, great—I forget how may greats— grandbaby, it’s been far too long since this little one and I have had a cuddle.”

I’m aware that Will might be waiting for me but there’s no way I can’t stop and let Ari visit with Caroline. “Let’s remedy that right now, hey?” I say to Ari, beginning to hand her over.

“Oh, thank you. I should sit first, but do hand over that little munchkin.”

Putting her cane to one side she sits down at the nearest table and holds her hands out. I sit Ari in her lap, take a seat opposite her and enjoy the site Arianna babbling away.

“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten. You know, I swear it was only the other day you were just bump under your mother’s shirt. Yes, you were.” She says to Ari who watches her intently. “Now you’re a little lady with your mother’s smile and your father’s eyes.” She glances up at me and back. “And if you’re lucky you’ll pick up your other daddy’s kindness and sense of humour.”

A lump forms in my throat and I have to look away for a moment, feeling underserving of such sensitivity. “Thank you.”

“Not everything we inherit is biological, sweetheart. I dare say there will be quite a bit of Kiriakis in this little Horton.”

I smile. “Hernandez, Horton, and Kiriakis influences. This kid could take over Salem if she wanted.”

“Now wouldn’t that be something?” She smiles. “I’m glad to see you with her, Sonny.”

I take a deep breath. “Will’s been really good about that, quite understanding.”

“You don’t have to be so grateful, Sonny. You’re a part of her life, one of her parents; it’s not for anyone else to take that away, not even Will.”

“He’s never insinuated otherwise, Caroline. I can promise you that.”

She nods, though her lips are pursed. “Excellent. Will is a good man, but he’s stubborn like his mother and wears his heart on his sleeve. He has a nasty habit of standing in the way of his own happiness but he’s also taken to fatherhood like a duck to water, I’m relieved that he knows what’s best for this little one is having you in the picture.”

There’s that lump again. Her hand covers mine.

“Have I said something wrong? I’m sorry, Sonny. It seems nowadays my head says one thing and my mouth says another.”

“No, no, you’re fine. I just…I don’t feel as if I deserve—”

“You best not say what I think you’re about to say.”

“It’s all my fault, Caroline. _Everything_. I’ve messed up so badly…”

“I doubt very much it’s that simple. Good people make mistakes, but it’s not often that they make them out of the blue. Will married the right man, I am completely certain of that, you’ve just lost your way a little.”

“What I did was unforgiveable.”

“You made a human mistake, but it most certainly is forgivable if the love is still there. You just need to build up that trust.”

“I’m so unbelievably _angry_ with myself, you’ve no idea.”

“Actually, I have some idea.”

I look at her in surprise, and her sad smile confirms it for me. “You… Really?”

She nods her head. “It’s the strangest thing, isn’t it? Our capacity to hurt and betray ourselves. And that’s what it is…” She says, reaching out to pat my hand again. “We’re only capable of harming those we love the most by betraying ourselves; because nothing hurts more than the damage we cause our loved ones.”

I let out a sharp exhale, nod my head. “That’s exactly it.”

“Time and patience.” She nods resolutely. “That’s what it takes. Give it some time, be patient with him and understanding will follow. Understanding and forgiveness.”

I swallow hard. “Caroline… Thank you for not hating me.”

“Not possible, sweet boy. Not possible.”

“I was actually on my way home—uh, to the apartment that is, to meet Will. I’m determined to talk this out with him.”

“Oh, well on your way you must be!”

“I love that you sound like Yoda sometimes.”

“I get that a lot.”

I laugh softly, glancing between her and Ari. “We ducked in just for a diaper change, but I’ll make sure we bring her by more often.”

“I would love that, but you need to get going. Go talk to that husband of yours.”

Just as I stand and swing the baby bag over my shoulder, Ari begins to fuss. “Ah, someone’s stomach is grumbling; poor girl’s had a long day helping me run the club.”

“Is that so?” Caroline laughs.

“Yep, she’s great with the punters. Though it does help that she’s an adorable baby.”

“I suspect she’ll be running the place for you in no time.”

“You joke but I’ve already made the arrangements.” I laugh.

“How do you mean?”

“It’s all down on legal paper. If anything happens to me and Will, everything goes to her when she’s eighteen. The club, savings, everything goes to my baby girl.”

She stares at me for a moment and then purses her lips and waves me closer. “Come here, young man.”

I lean close when she beckons and smile when she kisses my cheek. She holds my chin between her thumb and forefinger.

“The wisest thing my great grandson ever did was to marry you. He chose the right man, despite what you might feel right now.”

“Thank you.” I say quietly.

Our attention is drawn to Ari when she starts to whimper in Caroline’s arms.

“I think she wants you back” he says with a smile. “Isn’t that lovely?”  

“What she wants food, but I have a secret weapon….” I reach into the diaper bag. “She needs Mister Pen.”

“Mister Pen?”

“We’ve moved on from the binkies to penguins. She won’t sleep without mister Pen.”

“I’m assuming this is a stuffed toy?” She asks as she watches me rifle through the diaper bag.

I laugh. “Yes, don’t worry. I mean I don’t doubt that Will would abduct a real live penguin from a zoo if it would make his baby girl smile, I think he’d even brave the monkeys, but she makes do with the stuffed ones for now.”

“You boys are precious.”

I frown as I start to empty the bag. “Where is….? Ah, you know what? I bet I left mister Pen in the bathroom when I was changing her. Could you watch her for a minute longer?”

“As if you need to ask, off you go.”

“Thanks.”

I duck into the disabled room where the changing table is and quickly scan the spacious cubicle for the stuffed toy. It takes me a moment but I eventually spot it, and it’s just typical that it’s fallen down into the corner, between the table and a stack of toilet rolls that have yet to be dispensed.

With tiptoeing and a little bit of stretching I manage to snag a flipper and pull mister Pen out of his hiding space and make sure to dust him off. While I have my hands free I take a moment to check my cell and notice a text from Will, received fifteen minutes ago.

_On my way_

Feeling bolstered by my conversation with both T and Caroline I slide my cell into my back pocket and head back into the pub.

“I found him—” I stop dead in my tracks.

“She really is a cute little thing.” Paul says as he reaches out to brush a finger against Ari’s cheek.

“She is quite the heartbreaker.” Caroline says proudly before she catches sight of me. “Oh, and here’s one of her daddies now.”

Paul glances my way and a smile that used to melt my insides spreads across his lips, but when he clocks the look of horror on my face he glances between Caroline and myself, then at Ari. The smile soon melts from his face. “Oh…I…I didn’t…”

“What the hell are you doing?” I ask in a strangled voice, the sight of Paul anywhere near Ari both startling and upsetting.

“Sonny, what’s going on?” Caroline asks guardedly, instinctively holding Ari close as she glances between Paul and I.

“Oh god,” I mutter, rubbing the palm of my hand across my forehead. “Caroline, this…this is Paul. Paul Norita.”

I see the second it clicks. “Oh my goodness. I’m sorry, Sonny. I had no idea.”

“No, I’m sorry.” Paul quickly says, standing, his hands digging into his pockets. “I came in for a coffee, that was it. I was just saying hello, if I had known….”

“You need to go. Right now, Paul.” I say in a clipped voice.

He nods his head and rubs the back of his neck.

“This gentleman can have his coffee,” Caroline interjects. “But you need to get going, Sonny.” She glances at Paul before she continues. “Your husband is waiting for you.”

There is no mistaking that message.

She begins to stand to hand over Ari but knocks over the cane she had propped up beside her. I take an involuntary step forwards, my hands out for Ari, but at no point does she waver on her feet of lose her grip. Paul doesn’t see this, however. What he sees is an elderly woman holding a baby who is probably about to lose her footing.  He takes a quick step forward and his hands automatically reach out; one pressing against Ari’s back and the other steadying Caroline at the elbow.

“ _Paul_ ” I snap out, and he moves his hands away as if he’s been burned.

“I’m sorry, I thought—”

“We’re just fine,” Caroline says with an edge to her voice. “But maybe you should forget about that coffee and be on your way.”

“What are you doing?”

Every one of us freezes. My heart sinks as I turn towards the entrance of the pub to see Will standing there, tie pulled loose, jacket over his forearm, and a look of absolute horror on his face as his eyes zero in on Paul and how close he is to his daughter.

“What… What the hell…?” He breathes, looking between Paul and me.

I begin to shake my head. “No, Will, it’s not… we did not meet here, not intentionally, I promise.”

“How could you do this?” He says incredulously, and before I can even answer he turns to Paul, his face twisting in anger as he takes one angry step forward, his jacket falling, forgotten to the floor. “ _You_ …” He growls.

“William Robert Horton!” Caroline barks. “Your daughter is right here, you _will_ gain control of yourself.”

That gives him pause, as does the beginning of Arianna’s tears. He stops, takes a few deep breaths and then reaches for Arianna. Paul quickly steps out of the way.

“Give me my daughter” he says to Caroline, plucking her out of her arms.

“Will,” she pleads, “I can vouch for what Sonny says, it was all just a—”

“I don’t care” he says bluntly, sliding the diaper bag over his shoulder. Arianna begins to cry in earnest and he bounces her lightly without even thinking about it.

“She wants this” I say uselessly, holding out mister Pen with hands that feel limp. He snatches it away from me.

“You are unbelievable.” His voice shakes. “You know earlier? When I said lets meet at the club? I wanted to… I thought that the three of us could get dinner together somewhere neutral. I thought we could spend some family time together and just…” he glances at Paul and then back at me, his eyes filling with furious tears. “Then you text me and I figure….” He takes a gulping breath. “Why not get some takeout and bring it home?” He lets out a humourless laugh. “Screw the neutral territory; let’s just be a family again for one evening.”

He shrugs as if it’s one big joke and then looks at Paul. “But you’re just never going to go away, are you?”

“Will,” Paul begins, shaking his head, “I didn’t—”

“Shut up. You want my husband? He’s yours. But if you ever put your hands on my daughter again…”

“Will, you walked into something you have no understanding of, just calm yourself for a second, don’t say anything you’ll regret later.” Caroline placates him.  

It’s too late. His words hit me in the gut like a punch.  “Don’t be like this, don’t say things like that.”

“I need to get my daughter home” he says gravely.

Caroline calls out to him but he ignores her and leaves without so much as a backwards glance.  The three of us stand there silently, staring at the door he just passed through. I’m brought back to the present when Caroline touches my arm.

“Sonny, sweetheart, he was just mad. It was the shock of…of…”

I sniff. “It’s alright.” I say quietly, swallowing hard. “I can understand why he would react like that.”

“I am so sorry.” She says needlessly, and then turns to Paul. “I really think it’s time you left, don’t you?”

He nods. “Of course. Again, I’m—”

“I asked you to leave my pub. And I think it would be best if you didn’t come back.”

He looks at me, his throat working as he swallows and then turns to leave, just as Will had moments ago.

“I’ve ruined everything.” I whisper.

“You’ve done no such thing. Hey, look at me.” She says, tilting my chin towards her. “My great grandson reacts before he can think things through. He is his mother’s son. You remember everything I said before?”

I nod.

“Then you hang in there. Will loves you too much to walk away from you, I promise.”

“I hope you’re right.”

I spy Will’s jacket discarded on the floor and bend to snag it up. “I had so much to talk to him about.”

“And you still will, just be patient. He _will_ come to his senses.”

I kiss her cheek. “Thank you. I guess I better go.”

“Chin up, you hear me?”

I nod, and clutching Will’s jacket close I leave the pub. I make it as far as Horton Town Square before I have to sit down. The place is pretty deserted so I just sit there for a few minutes, clutching Will’s jacket.

“I’ve lost him.” I whisper to myself.

“Sonny?”

I startle slightly, glancing up to see Paul standing there, his baseball cap low over his eyes and his hands deep in his pockets. “Christ, Paul. Why the hell would you even attempt to talk to me right now? You know better.”

“I wanted to check that you’re alright.”

“I’m not. Not even close, so please just… Leave me be.”

“I didn’t mean to cause you trouble.”

“I’m getting sick of hearing that.”

“I just want to talk, just for a minute.”

I stand and take a quick step forwards. “Are you hearing impaired? I said leave. Me. Be.”

“You can’t even give me a minute?”

“No, Paul. It’s inappropriate, especially after what just happened.”

“I can’t come by the mansion because your mother will set me on fire — I’m not kidding, she actually said that— I can’t go to the club in case Will shows up, you won’t pick up my calls… Just how the hell are we ever going to talk about this if you won’t—?”

“That’s just it, Paul. We _don’t_. It’s done. It was done years ago.”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

I rub my temples in frustration. “What happened between us was a mistake, a terrible mistake, and I am sorry that I let it go as far as it did because it gave you hope that we might still have a chance. That is on me, I get that, it’s my fault and I apologise...”

“I don’t want your apologies, Sonny, I want _you_!” He says in a harsh whisper, and I can hear the pain in his voice, I can, but I can’t be the one to comfort him.

“Paul, you’ve got a lot of things going on in your head right now, with your career, the fall out of the article…” I heave a heavy sigh.  “You’re seeing me as the only thing left, the silver lining, and I don’t appreciate it.”

He steps forward and clutches my arm. “That is not—”

I quickly yank my arm away and put some distance between us. “Yes, it is. You will get through all of this, I promise you, but you’re going to have to do it without me.”

“We can’t even be friends?”

“If I want to salvage my marriage? Then no, we can’t. At least not until Will can find his way past all of this, and only then it’s a maybe. So for now I just need you to please, _please_ stay away from me.”

“He destroys my career and now he dictates who you talk—”

“One?” I say firmly. “Your career was already over before the article came out, so don’t even try and lay that at his feet.”

He glances away, sheepish.

“Two? If there’s a bad guy in all of this, it’s me. I cheated on my husband and I led you on, so if you’re going to get mad at someone then it should be me, though to be perfectly honest I…” I let out an exhausted sigh. “It’s difficult for me to even care anymore.” I shrug. “I know that sounds heartless, but I just can’t. I’m past caring because I cannot think about your life when I am so desperately trying to fix my own.”

“This isn’t like you, Sonny.”

“Now see, that’s how little you actually know me, Paul. You got the young, heart-eyed Sonny who just wanted to run away with you and live happily ever after.”

“We can still—”

“Will got every other part of me. I moved home and my eyes landed on him and I just…everything snapped into focus, and everything you and I had just been through?” I shake my head. “It didn’t even hurt any more. It was just so instant with him. It was this instant feeling, this _knowing_ , that I would love this man for the rest of my life.”

He clenches his jaw. “If you’re trying to hurt me…”

“I’m really not; I’m just trying to make you understand.  Will and I have been through hell just to be together, but when I look at him? I still get that feeling, that knowing.”

“But it’s over between you two.”

“It will never be over for me.” I run my hand through my hair. “I feel like everyone is capable of loving many people in our lives. I loved you, I did, but then there is always that one big love that is separate from all the others. It instantly puts everything else into perspective. That’s what Will is for me. What we had was nice, but it does not compare to how I feel about my husband. It never will.”

He lets out a humourless laugh, taking a step back. “Jesus, Sonny.”

“I’m trying to make you understand. I need for you to understand and for you to not seek me out at the club, at my home, at the pub…”

“I was getting coffee.” He says tersely. “I was actually getting coffee, I wasn’t stalking you. The whole thing with Will’s daughter—”

“ _My_ daughter!” I bark at him. “Arianna Grace is mine and Will’s daughter. Get it through your head that I am a _father_ now.”

“You didn’t feel it necessary to point that out when we were sleeping together!”

“That’s good. Get angry with me, do whatever you need to do to get this perfect image of me out of your head, but please, _please_ let us draw a line under this because I have no space in my life for you. _None_. And I am truly sorry about how all of this played out, but this…” I gesture between us. “This can’t happen anymore. I can’t see you anymore.”

“Just…just tell me one thing, and I’ll let you go.”

I wipe my hand across my forehead, trying my best to not rush him along. “Fine.”

“From the sounds of it your relationship with him wasn’t exactly smooth sailing, not even at the start…”

“Please don’t talk about him in past tense; he is still very much my present and future.”

“That may be, but for as much hell as you gave me for not coming out and risking my career for you he didn’t exactly put you first either.”

“That’s not true, he has certainly made mistakes, just like I did, but the sacrifices he’s also willing to make for me leave me breathless.”

“You mean like leaving you for L.A.? And only returning when _his_ job fell through?”

I grit my teeth. “I mean like confessing to a murder he didn’t commit so that _I_ wouldn’t go to prison. And you want to talk about what brought him back to Salem? How about we talk about you letting me think that you’d finally chosen me over your career when I was nothing but the second choice, the _backup_ plan when you were told you’d never play ball again.”

“I may have screwed that up, but if you ask me that puts Will and I on pretty even footing!” 

“No, it doesn’t! And you know why? Because _he’s my_ _husband_. You keep acting like this is up for debate when it’s not.  You keep dismissing my marriage like Will is your competition, a boyfriend to get out of the way. He is my _family_ , Paul.”

“We were pretty damn close once upon a time…”

He’s beginning to remind me of the selfish Paul I used to know, and it’s becoming apparent that being polite is not going to work with him. “What we had for a total of twelve months a whole three years ago does not match the years of friendship and love I’ve experienced with Will. It doesn’t even measure up to mine and Will’s worst days, because even when we’re going through hell I still love him in a way I was never able to love you.”

He physically flinches, backing away from me, and I swallow hard because those are words I never would have wanted to say out loud to him. “The choice was made before you were even back on the scene, Paul. It was made the second I saw him. I’m sorry, but I choose—”

“You choose him, your husband.”

I nod. “You’ll get it one day, I swear. One day you’re going to meet your own Will Horton, not another Sonny Kiriakis, but a Will Horton – the big love of your life. When you meet him you’ll see that while what we had was nice, it wasn’t meant to last and we were not meant for each other.”

He’s quiet, his eyes glassy as he watches me.

“I guess it’s not exactly a classy move to try and come between what you have, or had, as the case may be.”

I ignore his jibe. “We both need to just let this be and move on, Paul.”

He takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. “I still think you’re wrong, and whether you like it or not I’m always going to be here, waiting for you to realise that.”

I close my eyes in complete and utter frustration. “ _Paul_ …”

“But I’m also not going to try and purposefully ruin what it is you have with your husband. You want me to stay away, so I will. But I’ll always be hoping that…that…”

I feel nothing but regret and sadness as he stumbles over his words. I don’t want him to wait because I don’t want _him_ , but I don’t know how to make him feel the same way.

“You know what it is I’ll be hoping for. Because whether you like it or not you _are_ that big love for me, but I believe you when you say that person for you is Will Horton.”

“Why would you do this to yourself? You could do anything, go anywhere...”

“I’m staying in Salem.”

“So you’ll always be hanging around, making Will uncomfortable, reminding me of what I did and… Paul, please. I don’t _want_ you to—”

“For once I don’t care what you want, and you don’t get to make this choice for me.”

He leaves, and I’m left standing there confused by the tone of his voice, a mix of sadness and anger; his refusal to leave sounding like both a declaration and a threat. It makes me uneasy.

Rather than freezing in the Town Square, I decide to call it a night.

oOo

When she knocks at the door I close my eyes. I’m done talking to people today; I have nothing else to say to anyone. I just want to lie here fully dressed on top of one of the guest beds, in the dark, holding Will’s jacket. Everything and everyone can take a backseat to this miserable feeling, because I am officially running on empty.

“Honey?” She calls before opening the door. “Can I come in?”

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Ask if you can come in when you’re already in the room?”

“It’s a mom thing. Sweetie, I’m worried about you…”

“Sorry” I mumble.

She switches on the lamp and then perches herself on the edge of the bed. “Bad day?”

“Yes” I whisper.

“Is this Will or Paul related?”

“Both.”

I hear her let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t care how famous he is, I’m going to track that man down and break every one of his fin—”

“ _Mom_.”

She edges a little closer, her hand resting on my knee. “What’s that?” She asks, lifting her chin at Will’s jacket.

“Will dropped it.”

“Oh, honey. I’m sure that in time—”

“I’d really like to be alone, if wouldn’t mind.”

“I do mind. I’m not going to let you lie here in the dark, miserable.”

“I’m going to feel miserable whether the light is on or off.”

“You know what I mean. Sonny, I know it seems bleak right now, but…”

“You weren’t there. You didn’t see how mad he was, how _hurt_ …”

“I’m sure it will blow over.”

“Not this time. It was…it was just the worst timing. It’s one thing for him to picture Paul and me together; it’s another for him to see Paul near Arianna.”

“What happened? What did that man _do_?” She asks angrily.

“Like I said, it was just bad timing…”

“Well if that’s the case then I’m sure that once Will has calmed down he’ll be able to see that. Honey, he _loves_ you, it’s so plain to see.”

“You’re the third person to give me this speech today.”

“What speech?”

“The _give him time, Will loves you, don’t give up on him_ speech. I can’t listen to it anymore, not after…can you please leave?”

“I’m sorry, but no. You’re just going to have to hear it one more time.”

I sit up and reach for my shoes. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Sonny…”

My phone chirps and I pull my cell out of my pocket.

“Sonny, talk to me about this, let me help.”

“It’s Will.”

“Yeah?” She smiles.

I nod. “He wants me to come over.”

“Well, that’s great!”  She frowns at my less than ecstatic expression. “Isn’t it?”

“Depends on the reason. After what happened today at the pub I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to see me just to hand over divorce papers.”

“Well that’s the attitude” she says sarcastically. “Go see him, here…” She hands me Will’s jacket.

“Thanks. Um…do I look okay?”  I straighten my shirt.

“Baby, you don’t need to be nervous around Will.”

“Tell that to the knots in my stomach.”

“Come on.” She nods towards the door and walks me down to the foyer.

I’m at the door when I pause and look back at her. I don’t need to say anything; she gives me a smile and just runs her hand down the length of my arm. “Thanks,” I whisper.

oOo

It’s stupid how afraid I am to knock on this front door. This is my _home_ , that’s my husband inside, my daughter, and yet I’m terrified of going in just in case I’m informed that’s no longer the case, that I no longer have a family.  I take a deep breath and rest my brow against pine of the door, I heard once that counting backwards from ten helps people with anxiety.

“Ten, nine, eight, you can do this, you can totally do—”

The door swings open and I fall forwards a step, landing chest to chest with an _oomph_ , right into Will’s arms. His arms may have closed around me automatically but the look on his face is one of pure surprise. 

“Sonny.”

“Will.”

“What are you doing outside?”

“You said you-you wanted to talk, so…”

“Well, yes. Inside. Where there’s central heating.”

“Right.” I quickly stand straight, righting myself and offering him an apologetic smile. “I’m glad you texted, there’s so much we need to talk about and I …I really can’t bear to leave things the way they are, Will.”

He snags up the garbage bag he was holding before I fell into his arms, very nearly head-butting him, and takes a step back into the apartment, holding the door open. “Come on in.”

I walk through, rubbing my hands together and wondering if I’ll be staying long enough to take off my jacket. I look back at Will, following him as he drops the garbage bag by the closed door. There’s an awkward few moments where we just look at each other, it’s the oddest thing…

“It’s so weird,” he says, reading my thoughts. “You still feel like my Sonny, but you feel like a stranger, too.”

I swallow hard. “I will always be your Sonny.”

He finally looks away, rubbing the back of his neck and walking toward the kitchen. “Drink?”

I blink in surprise. “Uh, yeah. Yeah okay.”

“Have a seat—” he stops dead again, shaking his head. “There it is again; me telling you to sit down like you’re someone I don’t know, feels so weird.”

I really can’t gage his mood but one thing’s for certain, he’s no longer furious. I sit on the couch and slide off my jacket, remembering then that I still have his with me from this afternoon. “I brought this for you.” I lift the jacket before laying it across the coach arm, and he nods his head in thanks.

He hands me the bottle of water and I’m secretly delighted when he sits down beside me, albeit leaving a respectable space between us.

“Baby girl asleep?”

He glances towards her room and nods. “Out like a light.”

I nod my head, rolling the water bottle in my hands before I finally force myself to look at him. My throat feels thick, and I’m annoyed that my eyes are already stinging. “It was just a horrible mistake, Will.” I whisper.

He presses his lips together, looking down at where his fingers lock together between his knees. “This afternoon or…?”

“Both. We shouldn’t be where we are at all, but I’ve already tried explaining myself a thousand times, I know you don’t want to hear it again. This afternoon was…” I close my eyes and shake my head. “It was just the most unfortunate set of circumstances.”

He nods his head, and although I’m aware that I should find this calmness reassuring it does only the opposite.

“Will, a few hours ago you looked at me like you hated me, now we’re sitting beside each other on our couch, in our apartment…”

“…Yeah.” He frowns.

“So,” I say somewhat shakily. “This...this feels as if it’s one of two things. Either something has happened within the last few hours that’s made you reconsider what it is you saw earlier, or… Or you’re calm because your mind is made up and you’re just trying to find a way to tell me that it’s over.”

“Sonny...”

“If it’s the second then just say it quick.” I take a shaky breath. “Don’t draw out, I couldn’t—”

“Come home.” He interrupts me. Blue eyes watching me like he’s hoping for something. “I want you to come home, please.”

It takes me a second to process what he just said, and when I do I let out a harsh breath. “You…you want me home?”

“Please,” he whispers.

“Is this for Arianna’s sake, or…?”

“No. It’s for mine. I mean I guess I speak for her, too. She misses you, but not as much as I do.”

“I don’t understand. I mean…god, _yes_. Yes, I want to come home, but what changed?”

He swallows hard, glancing away and worrying his lip. “Caroline came to see me earlier, gave me a piece of her mind.”

“So…this is a guilt thing?”

“This is you cutting through the fog, like you always do.”

I feel a tear escape from the corner of my eye and quickly wipe it away. I’ve read that letter every night that we’ve been a part, trying to take some small comfort from the words he wrote for my eyes only.

“First off, she explained what I was too incensed to let you explain earlier; what you were doing at the pub, why he was near Arianna…”

I nod my head. “Diaper change. Poor timing. Fate hating me.”

He gives me a ghost of a smile, not unlike the one he gave me this morning. “The sight of him anywhere near her, near you…” He shakes his head. “It was like tunnel vision, I saw red, I lost my temper in a big way and I…I said the worst thing…”

“You were mad, I understand.”

“He can’t have you,” he says forcefully, his eyes watering as he shakes his head. “If I ever dismiss you like that again then please, hit me as hard as you can to remind me.”

I stare at him in shock “Remind you of what?” I ask quietly.

“To remind me that I can’t live without you. That I love you beyond all measure, beyond all understanding, even when I’m furious with you.”

I choke out a tearful laugh, unable to believe what it is I’m hearing. I notice that my hands are shaking when I wipe my cheek. “I think…” I croak, clear my throat and then try again. “I think I owe Caroline a big thank you.”

He gives me sad smile, almost apologetic in a way. “She made me listen; she made me see what this separation was doing to me as a person, as a father. I just…I shrink as person, Sonny, when I don’t have my partner beside me. And I don’t mean to make it sound like I just need you.”

His hand reaches between the small divide between us, and his palm against my neck, his thumb brushing against my cheek is a cooling balm to the deep ache that has been felt with every heartbeat since we lost our way.

“I _want_ you. I will always want you. And it doesn’t matter what happens, it doesn’t matter how much you hurt me, I am always going to want you.”

I let out a shuddering breath and my hand follows the length of his arm, pulling him close as I scramble across the seat. A second later my arms are around him, holding on for dear life. He holds me close, his palm stroking the back of my head as he gently shushes me, much like he did the day he left with nothing but a backpack swung over his shoulder.

“Thank you,” I whisper, and then laugh. “And thank you Caroline.”

“She has a way of getting through to people, of putting things in perspective.” He pulls back a fraction, wiping the dampness away from beneath my eyes. “She reminded me of how lucky I was to have what Robert and James could never have.”

“Her speech, at our wedding….” And I was so sick of hearing speeches today. I didn’t know it would be one from nearly a year ago that would bring me home to Will.

He nods. “Then she did that thing where she slaps me upside the head.”

I bark out a watery laugh and he smiles at me.

“You know, despite everything that’s happened, despite everything we both did wrong… We’re still lucky that we even get to fight over how much we love each other.”

 “If we ever have another kid we’re naming it Robert or James, boy or girl.” I say before I can stop myself. I feel the jolt of surprise in his body and that’s when I realise what I’ve just said. “I didn’t say that. I said dog. If we have a _dog. S_ top looking at me like that. You’re dreaming. This is a hallucination. Oh _shit_ have I just ruined everything?”

“Sonny—”

“Just erase the past fifteen seconds from your memory!”

“Jesus, Sonny.” He laughs. “Calm down, we always talked about having more kids someday.”

“I know, but… I don’t want to rock the boat. Learning to crawl before we walk, and all that…”

The amusement in his eyes fades away and he nods his head. “That’s…yeah. I really wanted to make that clear.”

“What?”

“We’re not fixed, Sonny. Just because I’m finally getting out of my own way doesn’t mean that past few months didn’t happen. I’m not asking you to come home so that we can get back to normal, I’m asking you to come home so that we can get past this together, so that we can be stronger for it. But…”

“But it won’t be immediate.” I nod my head. “I totally agree, and I am here for it.”

“The one thing we do go back to… Total. Honesty.”

“We were good at that once upon a time.”

“Yes, we were. No more keeping quiet for the sake of not wanting to worry each other. No more carrying the world on your shoulders so that I don’t have to. If…” He pauses, mustering his courage. “If either of us have a moment where… If there’s an attraction to someone else that goes beyond a simple acknowledgment—”

Shame slams into me at full speed and I drop my gaze, but he lifts my chin. “No, Sonny. If it happens, if there’s even an inkling that we feel there may be a moment of weakness—and I’m referring to both of us—then I want to talk about it without fear. Because if we stop talking, if we stop _caring_ … That’s when we’re in real trouble.”

“Is this all Caroline too?”

“No, this is your husband.”

And I couldn’t be more proud. “Can we have an honest moment right now?”

He takes a deep breath, almost bracing himself. “You can tell me anything.”

“I asked you to meet me earlier because T is a total weakling and explained the whole deal with the tie this morning.”

He grumbles and lets his head thunk against the back of the sofa. “Typical T.”

“I’m in no position to be the judgemental husband right now; I know that, but Will…”

“I need a job, Sonny.”

“Yes, but you should love what you do.”

“What I love to do makes the people I care about miserable. I’m sick of hurting people, Sonny.”

“You’ve had a string of very bad luck mixed in with some questionable decision making.”

He raises an eyebrow at me.

“And I’m doing the judgemental husband thing prematurely. Okay, I’ll stop.”

His lips pull up at the corner in a half smile. “It’s alright; you were the only person I wanted to talk to about it. It just felt like I couldn’t, what with the whole throwing you out thing.”

“You didn’t throw me out; I left to make it easier, you were just very agreeable to it.”

“Maybe.”

“Will, a job in IT?”

“I’d be good at it.”

“You’d hate it.”

“I wouldn’t be hurting anyone.”

“You’d hate it.”

“It would be uncomplicated, and don’t say I’d hate it. Even if I would.”

“You can’t quit writing, Will, I can’t let you do that.”

He starts to say something but then stops himself.

“No, what?” I ask. “Complete honesty, remember?”

He chews on his lip for a moment before eventually speaking. “This is one of our things. When it comes to work we constantly undermine each other.”

I draw in a deep breath and let it out slowly, almost relieved that he said it. “Yes, we do.”

“Except…”

“What?”

“Except every time I say something dumb like _you got lucky_ , or _you could do this anywhere_ , it’s always been me not thinking before I spoke. You know, just royally putting my foot in it?”

“Go on…”

“And every time you’ve done the same, it just feels like it wasn’t an accident. Like, you’ll apologise for it? But you still meant it, type of thing.” He swallows hard. “It’s hard to be motivated about something when I know… When I know that it embarrasses you.”

“Will, you don’t… I’m _proud_ of you.”

“No.” He shakes his head firmly, and I know suddenly that T was right; this is something that has been eating away at Will. “No, you start out that way, but then I see how quiet you get when I inevitably screw up. I hear you apologising for me. I _don’t_ hear you defending me.”

I open my mouth to say something and then snap it closed. “You’re right—not that you embarrass me, you’re dead wrong about that. But you’re right in that I don’t support you where it counts, I haven’t done that and I’m sorry.” I rub his knee. “I’m sorry, baby.”

He nods his head, and then looks down at his hand in his lap. “I don’t want to be the type of writer that needs his husband to apologise for him.”

“You’re not quitting, Will. I can’t let you do that, I won’t.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re too damn good and it would be a crying shame for you to waste that talent.”

“…You mean that?” He asks quietly, and it kills me how vulnerable he is about this.

“Absolutely.”

“Then…I guess I’ll think about it. I mean I think I pretty much got the job if I want it, but Sonix wasn’t happy to lose me.”

“If you need to think about it then do just that, I’m sure Ryan will be on tenterhooks.”

He frowns at me. “What?”

 _Smooth, Sonny_. “Oh, um… Nothing, forget I said that.”

“Who’s Ryan?”

I try my best to give him a casual smile, to appear unaffected. “It’s okay, Will. T told me how you got the interview.”

“You’ve lost me.”

“Ryan? The guy who was into you when you were still at Salem U? Who kept asking you out even though I kept growling at him to buzz off? Look, it’s… I’m in no position to play the jealous husband, just forget I said anything.”

He blinks at me for a second before the most genuine, beautiful smile splits across his lips, and he lets out a soft laugh. “Son, T was screwing with you. I got the interview through an agency.”

My jaw drops. “ _What_?”

He just smiles at me.

“That…” I lean back against the sofa. “That jerk. That evil friggin genius.”

“Were you actually jealous?”

I feel myself flush slightly. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he answers quickly. “It’s… It’s kind of nice that you were.”

The little things. It’s all the little things. Honesty. Giving a damn. Talking.

“I want you to know that I spoke to Paul again today. After the pub.”

The smile instantly melts away. “You did?”

“I told him in no uncertain terms that I want him to leave me be, that I love you, that I _choose_ _you_ and always will. I guess… I guess I want you to know that too, if you were at all doubting it.”  

“O-okay.”

“Okay?”

He nods. “I mean, you kind of make me sound like a Pokémon,” he gives me small smile, which on its own is the biggest victory. “But yeah, okay. And thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just so sorry that we even—”

“And that’s the last time you apologise for this.”

“Will…”

“I mean it. A part of moving past this is forgiveness, and that means not having to continuously apologise for this mistake. Because that’s what it was: a mistake. I understand that now. And as much as we’ve talked about you supporting my writing, we’re not going to place all of our focus on it. I’ve pushed you aside one to many times and that stops now too.”

Sometimes he just leaves me speechless. He has no idea how much I respect him, but I plan to remedy over the next fifty years or so. For right now, I simply lift his hand from his lap, forcing down the lump in my throat, and press a kiss to his knuckles.

“I love you.” I murmur quietly against his knuckles.

Before he can say a word the sound of Arianna fussing from her cot through the open bedroom door has our attention. “Can I?” I ask.

“Of course you can, she’ll be relieved it’s you, I suspect.”

I stand to go see to her, but before I’ve even taken two steps he catches my hand. I look back at him as stands and I see how nervous he is. I’m about to ask him why when his hands rest gently on my chest, his fingers tips traveling slowly to brush against my neck. My heart begins to hammer when he glances down at my lips, back up to my eyes, and down to my lips again as he nuzzles close.

His brow brushes mine, just resting there for a moment before his lips finally touch mine in the softest, sweetest kiss I’ve ever known. The taste of him fills me with a warmth that spreads through my bones like a medicine, like a cure. I press back only a little, afraid of shattering this perfect kiss.

It’s over far too soon, but he remains there, allowing me to so tentatively hold him close, and he whispers to me…

“Baby steps.”

I nod. “In your time, I’ll always wait for you.”

“Thank you.” One more soft brush of his lips against mine, and then… “And I love you too.”

My thumb brushes his cheek, and then he lets me go. I go see to our daughter. In our home.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
